To the woman preparing for Marriage

I don’t know who you are or where you are in life, but one thing I know for sure is that you are not alone in whatever situation or circumstance you may find yourself in. I pray that my stories and the lessons that I am learning everyday as I walk with Jesus, will encourage you in some aspect. If I can even just make you laugh, I feel that I have accomplished something great.

I am getting married in 38 days (exactly – thanks to a wonderful counting gift from a friend)… we have been engaged for 8 months and have known each other for 2 and a half years. Our dating months were awesome – always fun, spontaneous and exciting. The butterflies I got whenever his car would pull up to take me on a date were intoxicating and the sweet texts in the morning were all I wanted to wake up to. The most beautiful moment of my life was when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.

But then the pressures of planning a wedding, moving to another country and stepping into ministry together started – we started to feel like our heads were under water and we could barely catch our breath. Tired, confused and almost defeated. I felt (and I have said before) that when the ring went on, so did the pressure. I know that I am not the only woman who has gone through things and maybe feels like her relationship is more difficult than its ever been. So please know, you are not alone.

So, to the woman who is preparing for marriage;

Firstly, congratulations! This is the most exciting time of your life yet! I am sure your dreams are filled with white dresses, color pallets and cake ideas. I am sure there is a special man who has caught your heart and now your visions of the future include him. It is a wonderful feeling!

Keep Jesus as your centre focus always

 Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He will lift your head and heal your heart. Your fiancé can never take the place of your Savior. Allow the precious Holy Spirit to guide you when times get tough and to teach you when the battle is raging. I am fully persuaded that he is the ultimate Romantic and knows more about effective, godly relationships than any human being on this earth. Let Him teach you how to be a godly woman and soon-to-be wife by meditating on His Word and heeding your ear to His voice.

Know that there will be challenges

They come in different weights and different volumes, and I personally didn’t realize the emotional rollercoaster I was about to enter on until the loops, flips and spins. Preparing for marriage is a huge transitional period for a woman – we have a new title, new responsibility and new perspective on life. Besides the thought of now becoming somebody’s “wife”, we have to battle the emotions of leaving home and no longer being under our parent’s roof anymore. It’s scary. I know.

Don’t major on the minors

Let me be completely transparent – engagement thus far for Chad & I has had moments where neither of us knew what to do anymore. For me, it always terrified me when people would say “how he is now, is how he will be in marriage.” Because of the fear this statement, I waited and watched – for every flaw he had so I could jump on it, and fix it. Because, “Oh no, I don’t want that in our marriage.” When I continually picked at the smallest of things, it actually just made me an unhappy and unsatisfied woman.

Love him

Love him in the good, love him in the bad and love him through the ugly. He is God’s gift to you and you are a steward of your relationship. Remember that just like you are not perfect, neither is he. Something Chad taught me is that “we judge others by their actions and not their intentions; but we judge ourselves by our intentions” – meaning, we are quick to jump down someone’s throat because of an action they committed (not looking at their intention behind it) yet we justify our own actions by our intentions. Sometimes as women we are super touchy, and are so quick to get offended at something our man did, but we don’t even take the time to stop, and consider that quite possibly he was meaning something completely different.

Choose daily to be happy

Everything in life is a choice. God has given us a free will. I can choose to be right or I could choose to be happy. My life thus far is so much more peaceful when I forgive easily and forget quickly.

You are strong and you are blessed – this is a special time, determine in your heart you will enjoy every moment!

This is just the beginning and I can’t wait to become Mrs – but I still have SO much to learn. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned thus far and I am thankful for the godly women in my life who I look up to and exemplify a godly marriage.

[Side Note: All the opinions expressed in this blog are entirely my own. I by no means consider myself an expert, only a girl who is willing to learn and share what God is teaching her as she walks with Him. If you are a married woman – I would love to hear you share your experiences, lessons and wisdom.]

Wear the Lipstick!

Lately, I’ve been experimenting with my style – I guess it has something to do with going from girlfriend status to fiancé’ status to wife status. My most recent experiment has been with lipstick – red to be exact. Now to some this may be totally normal, but to me this was like a HUGE milestone that had me self-consciously checking my compact mirror every few minutes – is it on my teeth? Is it smeared somewhere other than my lips? Oh goodness, is it even still there?? True story.

The point is – being a woman is FUN, but sometimes I think we allow insecurities to rob us of the joy of experimenting with all things girly. We get so nervous to try something new because we fear what others might say. Honestly, sometimes I think if we had the opportunity to wear the wallpaper and “blend in” – we probably would.

We can be so silly!

The most inspiring women to me, are the women who have such a godly confidence about them, that it doesn’t matter whether they wear spiked heels, blue lipstick or a dress with a giant bow – they rock it! I desire to be that kind of woman one day – a woman so full of Jesus that He literally oozes out of her, a woman who can wear something totally cool and totally out of the ordinary a feel GREAT – not sit worrying constantly about whether it is “too much”, “too little” or if you are giving everyone else something to talk about.

A godly woman is a confident woman.

Ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I know who I am in Christ? This is the most important point. He created you, knows you and loves you – He was there in the beginning and will be there forevermore (Read & meditate on Psalm 139 today).
2. Am I surrounded by godly, confident friends? Do your friends compliment you and make you feel better about yourself? Or do they tear you down because of their own insecurities? [Side note: Just because a friend is insecure doesn’t mean we discard of them – I know what its like to be torn down by a friend but it is by the grace of God that we can love them through it and help them on their journey of gaining godly confidence.] Maybe you are that insecure friend? Don’t beat yourself up, our best move is to extend the grace that we would want to be extended towards us.
3. What am I longing to do but haven’t had the courage to try?  Do yourself a favor and other woman around you – DO IT! God has made you unique – own it. If you don’t get anything out of it, at the end of the day I am sure you will at least get a few good laughs, and that my friends is like medicine to the soul 🙂 (Its Biblical – Proverbs 17:22)

A confident woman knows who she is in Christ – she knows that the clothes don’t make her, but she makes the clothes. She knows that her security is found in the love & acceptance of Jesus Christ her Savior. She knows that no human can ever make her feel less than what she allows them to.

So, I challenge myself & I challenge you this week – do something different! Life is a fun adventure…wear the lipstick! 

I’m still here

You know at the end of an action movie when you see a person walking away with some kind of button in their hand, they push it and whatever is behind them (usually a car or building) dramatically blows up into flames? Yes? To be honest with you, sometimes I feel like ending a season that way…

Chad & I are in what I feel is the biggest transitional period of my life. I have come from Florida (where I had been for the past 2 years) home to South Africa for literally a year, to spend time with my family, intern at my home church and plan our wedding. Come January 5^th, my butt will be back on a plane as we set off to begin our new season in New York. So you understand what I mean when I say I am really in a transitional season.

Here’s where I went wrong (and I thank God for guiding me back on track) – my thinking was, “I just want to get to the end of this so my new season can start” – BUT, a season is STILL a season. Whether it is short, long or in-between – we are stewards of the gifts, talents and abilities that God has put on the inside of us as tools to be USED wherever He may call us for however long. When I look back on this year, as amazing as it has been, I truly do see missed opportunities, missed friendships & missed use of my potential. See, when you have a mindset of, “I’m leaving anyway” – you limit your investment in the place you’re at. This could apply to any area really – your last year of high school, last year of college, last year before you move somewhere etc.

“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven” – Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)

It doesn’t matter where we are in life – we are still a steward of our time. In other words – whatever we do with our time will be held in account before the Lord when we stand before Him one day. One of my friends put it so perfectly when she preached at youth on Friday, she said; “God didn’t “zap” us out of earth the moment we got saved – He left us here with breath in our lungs because we still have a plan & a purpose to fulfill for Him!”

 It’s tough to focus on today when we are so excited for tomorrow. But I am learning to delight in the fact that “This is the day the Lord has made. We (I) will rejoice and be glad in it (!).”

Let’s never leave a place with regret – but with a confidence that we did everything God asked us to, to our fullest potential.

The “P” Word

When I was 16 years old, I made the decision on my own to love Jesus with all my heart & to stay pure for Him. I remember sitting down with some of my friends at the time and letting them know that I did not judge them for their life choices but that I had determined in my heart that I was not going to date and I was going to stay pure sexually until I got married. I said that the only man I was going to date would be my husband – and until then I was happy to be by myself.

Fast forward 5 years – here I am, 2 months (yesterday in fact…yay!) away from marrying my dream guy – the one man who pursued me with a godly fear and respect, but more importantly, the one I waited for, prayed for and stayed pure for. I have no regrets, no baggage, no past hurts and no past memories to compare – I am going into this marriage, with all of me intact ready to be one with someone. This is how God intended for it to be.

The question that I am asking is,

When did this sexual purity until marriage become old-fashioned or a “thing of the past”?

 Having the opportunity of working with young girls has shown me over and over again what the world is modeling as “right” and “good.” It concerns my heart when a wave of shock washes over a 12year olds face when I share that I haven’t had sex yet. Their eyes squint and their frown lines are evident as if to say; “what is wrong with you?”

Yes, what is wrong? What is wrong with keeping your body for your husband? What is wrong with keeping your heart shielded and protected from temporary and fleeting satisfaction?

We as young women are constantly surrounded by sex – it’s in movies, social media & even music – it is the norm. But God doesn’t call us to be normal. Not the normal of society anyway – He calls us to be different, to walk worthy of a higher calling and to be an example.

The Bible teaches us in Ephesians 5:31,

“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (NKJV)

The man is joined to his wife – not some girl who he’s known forever, not a random hook-up and certainly not someone who he’s “sure he will marry one day.” There is a reason God has ordained sex for the covenant of marriage – it is to join 2 people to become 1 – Mathematics tells you 1+1=2 – but in marriage 1+1=1. One whole person + one whole person = one flesh.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect, and staying pure in your physical body is difficult – especially when you feel things for another person that you’ve never felt before – just the touch of their hand on yours sends electricity down your spine. Sound familiar? Yes well welcome to being a human being wired for relationship.

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases (some versions say: until the time is right).” – Song of Solomon 3:5 (NKJV)

Let me be super honest and transparent – I had no desire to be any more than a friend to someone until Chad and I’s relationship began to develop. Passion is a fire that burns on the very inside of a person when that emotion has been awoken. Hence the above Scripture charging us not to awaken this love until the time is right. The fact is simple: those who play with fire are going to get burned.

We don’t stay pure because we are “ a prude” or because we are “so conservative” – We stay pure because our body does not belong to our fleshly selves, our bodies belong to God who lives on the inside of us in the form of the Holy Spirit. We stay pure because we love Jesus more than we could ever love any human on this earth – and if He tells us that sex is for husband and wife, then we will not involve ourselves in that act until we have the title “wife”. We stay pure because our obedience glorifies God above all else.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve messed up or made some mistakes – Jesus went to the cross with YOU in mind. You can never be too far gone. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) – God can restore what has been lost. The fact is that you are no longer a virgin – but the TRUTH is that God makes ALL things new.

God never gives us an instruction in His Word that is not for our benefit. Purity is for today – it IS possible and it is beautiful. Not only that, but for us as women – the choices we make don’t just involve us, they involve and effect our future spouses. One of the most precious statements that Chad Micheal has ever said to me is, “I am so thankful that you saved yourself for me.”

So.worth.the.wait.