On to the next…

Well it’s official – I (along with some other awesome people) finally graduated my 3 years of Bible School with a Bachelors in Divinity. Yay!

As I sit here and reflect for a moment, these last 3 years have really been an adventure – there have been ups & downs, heartbreaks & victories but altogether LOTS of growing, stretching & enlarging. I can’t believe that 3 years ago I got on a plane alone, cried my way to the United States of America to start Bible School … and now I have graduated, am engaged and moving back to America with my new hubby in January. WOW!

Serving God is so.much.fun!

But one thing that lately has been a recurring question in my heart and mind is: am I constantly remembering (remaining constantly aware of) Who and what I am doing this for?

I think it is so easy to get caught up in going from season to season… high school to university…university to employement… employement to making an impact in your sphere of influence. It is easy to get so caught up in the fast-paced day-to-day activities, that we tend to forget the bigger picture. We move on to a new season or thing with not much of a thought except, “well, on to the next thing…”

There is a song by Michael W Smith that I love, and it goes –

“I’m coming back to the heart of worship, where its all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus.

I’m sorry Lord for the thing I’ve made it, when it’s all about You, it’s all about You, Jesus“

Worship is not just when you sing & dance on a Sunday morning to the newest song. Worship is so much more – it is a life dedicated to serving God. We worship Him with our words, with our actions and when we use the talents, gifts & abilities that He has instilled in us. My life is not actually my own – everything that I do in life and everything I achieve is actually for Him – to bring Him glory, to life His Name high in the earth.

But this is where I sometimes feel that I miss it. See, in the craziness of life, I forget Who I am actually doing this all for. I  forget that I didn’t go to Bible School for myself – I went because God called me to be a voice to my generation and a proclaimer of His Word. This blog is not actually about me, its about Him. Our next season is not about me, its all about Him. 

Sometimes I literally have to take a step back, close my eyes and take a moment to remember that this is all for God. The criticisms or the congratulations actually don’t matter in relation to what HE would say. Am I hurting His heart by making this life about me?  Have I made all the things that He has told me to do a mere task on a checklist? Or am I living a life that is all for Him?

The prayer of my heart is that I never forget that. That I never get so caught up in the things of life that I forget the real motive & intent of my actions and my accomplishments. This is ALL for HIM!

When I remember Him first – I remain focused with an eternal perspective – that life is actually much bigger than just me. And it is when we have an eternal perspective, there is more of a strength within us, more of a grace about us and more of a passion comes from us. We are fully aware that we are a vessel being used for the Master’s work & He is sure to take care of every detail – from the tiny to the gigantic.

Whatever you do in life, I encourage you to remember that it is God who created you, God who called you and God who will sustain you. It doesn’t matter if you are working within the ministry, or are a doctor, teacher, accountant or even still a student – when you remember Who you are doing what you are doing for and why you are doing it – everything will be so much more significant.

“He has made everything beautiful and appropriate in its time. He has also planted eternity [a sense of divine purpose] in the human heart [a mysterious longing which nothing under the sun can satisfy, except God] – yet man cannot find out (comprehend, grasp) what God has done (His overall plan) from the beginning to the end.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11 AMP)

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2 Weeks, 14 Days … & counting

As I sit here, tea in hand & laptop on my lap … it is exactly 2 weeks until our wedding. I can’t believe it! I’ve waited for this for what seems like forever and its finally here – and it seems unreal. I have always been a sensitive person, but I don’t think I have ever been this emotional in my life – I cry ALL THE TIME. I could never understand when I heard young women saying “I can’t wait for our wedding day to be over” – I thought they were crazy! But now I understand, and its not for any other reason than the fact that lying on a paradise island beach , with your new husband lying next to you & not one thought of possible guest cancellations, music mistakes or weather worries blowing up your brain – sounds absolutely blissful. 

I decided to write about some of the fun because for me writing is a release and for you reading this, will get a good laugh … one of my favorite things about personal blogging 🙂

Soooooo…

1. They say its your wedding, but to most it really isn’t – Okay lets be real – I have been told SO many times that its my wedding … but my wedding is no longer my wedding when my choices are not fan favorites. Ha ha, now I don’t want to offend anyone (I love you Mom 😉 ) but this is a real thing! There is butting heads over the most bizarre stuff – like really, who knew that wanting to “sway” for our first dance instead of waltz would be like saying that we were going to feed our guests poison instead of food: simply unacceptable.
2. Ahh that brings me to my next point: dance lessons – If you are looking for a different form of pre-marital counseling – I would totally advise this extra-curricular activity, if not, avoid it like the plague. Yes I am being dramatic but this was a horrific experience – see, I LOVE dancing, I always have, but my fiancé despises it with everything in him – thus, when he failed to spin me flawlessly around the dance floor as our dance instructor demonstrated, after one too many glares & a couple of bruised toe hits, I told him that he could go sit in the car (It’s actually quite embarrassing now that I write it down.)
3. They said there would be pressure, but I didn’t realize that the pressure would transform me into a fire breathing dragon – Now this is not an excuse…but boy, have I had some bad days and moments. Some days I feel like a good person who cultivates the fruit of love, and other days I feel like my head may just possibly explode into millions of tiny flaming pieces (At this point I remind myself about the island…about the beach…about the ocean…)
4. “Babe, you can do whatever you want” were Chad’s exact words when we started planning our special day – AWESOME *fist pump the air* – but they were short lived. I could do whatever I wanted until my color choice of the guys suits apparently endangered the well-being of his groomsmen… then I could no longer do whatever I wanted. At then end of the day this is okay, because this really is his wedding too. Fact: I would not be a bride unless he had proposed, thus the man is entitled to an opinion.

I hope you’ve had a good laugh at my expense 😉 Hey, you’ve either been there, you’re in it right now or your time is coming. Or maybe you have had a totally different experience. Either way, planning a wedding is nothing short of an adventure.

There are so many emotions as I think about being a “Bride to be” – am I going to be a good wife? What is it going to be like to live with another person? Will I still have butterflies in 10 years time? A few nights ago, we were sitting watching a movie and my dad turned to me and said the most profound statement I will never forget. He said, “The only thing you need to do, is CHOOSE to have a happy marriage.” These words have deeply impacted me and are changing the way I view everyday – am I choosing joy? Or am I allowing frustrations, stress & worries rob me from enjoying this season to its fullest capacity.

These things that I’ve written about are not in any way supposed to make planning a wedding sound terrible – they are actually the things that I can see now have brought much needed humor and to be honest, life lessons. There is definitely a ton pressure in this new season of life, but God’s Word really is my daily bread, He has blessed me with a gift who makes me laugh & reminds me every day why I want to marry him, family that has given me the wedding of my dreams and friends who have made the road so much fun.

And for all of these reasons, December 4th 2015 is going to be our best day yet! 

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The Power-Struggle

When Chad & I began our relationship – everything was new and exciting, we were getting to know each other and enjoying every moment of it. But when Chad moved to South Africa, a major element of our relationship became a struggle – a power-struggle to be exact.

He was in my territory – with my family, at my home church…I had the “power.”

This however, would not have been such an issue if I wasn’t harboring a fear on the inside of me – the fear of losing power.

See, I really didn’t know how I felt about marrying a man in the ministry – I mean, I knew I wanted to and it was God’s plan – but I still didn’t know how I really felt about it. Would that make me “just” a Pastors wife? Would I lose my voice? Would I just be expected to cook, clean, smile and wave??

All these fears

I knew God had given me a voice, a conviction and a message. I knew I had attended Bible School for such a time as this – to bring change to my generation.

I was not prepared to let a man take this away from me.

What a MESSED UP mindset! But can you really blame me? After all, society has a knack for teaching young women today to stand up strong, to fight for their rights and to desire independent accomplishments.

But here’s the problem (and I thank God for His Holy Spirit on the inside of me):

WE ARE FIGHTING FOR A POWER THAT WE NEVER LOST.

“Wives, be subject [d]to your own husbands, as [a service] to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives should be subject to their husbands in everything [respecting both their position as protector and their responsibility to God as head of the house].25 Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify the church, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word [of God], 27 so that [in turn] He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy [set apart for God] and blameless. 28 Even so husbands should and are morally obligated to love their own wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own body, but [instead] he nourishes and protects and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members (parts) of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become [e]one flesh. 32 This mystery [of two becoming one] is great; but I am speaking with reference to [the relationship of] Christ and the church. 33 However, each man among you [without exception] is to love his wife as his very own self [with behavior worthy of respect and esteem, always seeking the best for her with an attitude of lovingkindness], and the wife [must see to it] that she respects and delights in her husband [that she notices him and prefers him and treats him with loving concern, treasuring him, honoring him, and holding him dear].” (Ephesians 5:22-33 AMP)

We find our power in:

1 – Our submission to God’s Word first

2 – To our husbands authority second

“Now the Lord God said, “It is not good (beneficial) for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper [one who balances him—a counterpart who is] [a]suitable and complementary for him.” (Genesis 2:18 AMP)

Do you see that precious woman? They need us! We are vital to their life. God is a God of order, He created the husband to be the head for our benefit and our protection.

The world tells us that we don’t “need” a man, but the TRUTH says that it is “GOOD” for us to be together. We need to shift our beliefs from being society-focused to being Kingdom-focused.

Society has also taken submission and made it to look like slavery. But God – who is in fact the very Author of the word – created submission to look like the Church with respect to Christ.

We are made for partnership and this partnership was created by God in order for us to fulfill His original mandate of mankind found in Genesis 1:28 of:

• Have dominion
• Be fruitful
• Multiply

It doesn’t have to be a power-struggle when it was made to be a partnership. I am learning even though we are 3 weeks away from being married, that when I choose to be obedient to God’s Word by beginning to submit to Chad, I will be exalted – there will always be opportunities for God to use me & for me to do what I love!

You are powerful, and you don’t have to be alone to prove it!

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