Obsessed

“I’m always hungry” … “Argh I feel so fat” … “Wait, I’ll just have onnneeee more brownie and then be good from Monday” … “Oh my gosh, my double chin is showing, no more food for me!” If you’re a woman, one of these thoughts have more than likely gone through your head. Or if you’re me, all have gone through your head. Multiple times in a day. 

This isn’t a new thing for me, in fact I have had a constant battle with food since 2013 when I arrived in the USA and went to a weight that I had never been at before. See, all throughout my school years I had exercised, so food was never a issue for me. But take away the exercise and add a new country with its glorious Ben & Jerry’s ice-cream, Reeses peanut Butter Cups and Panera BREAD – and it becomes a whole different story. I gained so much weight and was honestly shocked after 6 months at what I had done to myself.

Now maybe you know me and you’ve seen pictures and you don’t really think I was “that bad” … which might be true in context. But what I know is that what is overweight for me may not be overweight for you, and visa versa.

The point is that for the last 3 years, my weight has been a battle, and by battle I mean obsession. I would loose weight, then put it on again, then eat healthy, and then stuff any sugar coated substance into my mouth without as much as a second glance. Every single day I woke up with the intention of “being good” that day but by the end of the day feeling heartbroken at the fact that I was not able to resist some form of yummy.

When I ate badly I felt guilty and when I ate healthy I felt deprived. 

I went back and forth between these feelings daily. Food began to consume me. I thought about it when I woke up, I planned my day around my meals and I went to bed at night thinking about what I ate and what I should do differently the next day. Obsession.

“You shall have no other gods before Me” (Exodus 20:3 NKJV)

One of my favorite Bible teachers of all time, Lysa TerKuerst, wrote a book called “Made to Crave” and it is all about her own personal struggle with weight. Conviction came to my heart so strong when she made the following statement:

“Food was never supposed to consume me. And if I was honest, when I would lay my head on the pillow at night, so many times, I evaluated my day not by how obedient I had been to God, but I evaluated my day by: what did I eat, what did I not eat, what did I weigh? And that was consuming so much of the mental real estate in my mind. I knew spiritually, changes needed to be made.”

It’s actually a  heart issue

See, I had made food a god, an idol in my life. I had unknowingly committed myself to serving it fully. How sick and twisted is that? But when you’re in it, it is hard to see that you are nothing more than a slave to a substance. I did in fact, measure the success of my day by how much or how little I had eaten, instead of by how obedient I had been to God.

I am not a doctor, and this post is 100% not about helping you create an eating plan. Because maybe the idol in your life is not food at all. Maybe for you its something completely different – maybe you struggle with something completely different. Maybe you struggle with an obsession with clothing and looking good, or maybe you struggle with a constant use of social media … whatever it is, if it is what you wake up thinking about and go to bed analyzing, you, like I was – are a slave.

But take heart my friend, it is not too late! Jesus came to give you life and life in abundance, it is the enemy who comes to steal, to kill and to destroy. A life of abundance means that nothing is missing. We will not be deprived. However, we still have to make the decision to act on the fruit of self-control and ask God to give us the strength to have victory over whatever area is controlling us. And He will! He is faithful. I had to make the decision that my life was God’s and I wanted His control. I had to make the decision that I was made to consume food (in the right way for my body), but it was NEVER made to consume me.

“But I am trusting you, O Lord, saying, “You are my God!”” (Psalm 31:14 NLT) [Emphasis added is on my own.]

[Thank you for reading today’s post! If you have not yet, please submit your email in order to receive notifications of new posts right into your inbox. If you are struggling with constantly worrying about your weight, I encourage you to invest some time in listening to Lysa TerKeurst’s study which you can find here.]

Perfect?

I am the kind of girl that likes everything in life to go perfect. I have always referred to myself as a perfectionist and therefore strive daily to uphold that title.

But then I read a devotional that turned my perfect little ideas, upside down.

Chad & I have committed ourselves to reading the 40 day devotional by Steven Furtick – the Greater Devotional. It is all about igniting God’s vision for our lives and if you are looking for a devotional, I would highly recommend it.

I have always wanted to be in the will of God. Ever since I gave my heart to Him, the thought of not doing what He wanted me to do, terrified me. Especially when I was leaving High School and choosing what career path I would go down, I desired with my whole heart to do what HE wanted me to do. I thank God for the peace that comes from being in the will of God but I learned a big lesson (and I think I am still learning it everyday):

Just because I was in the will of God, did not mean that my life would be perfect.

But I thought it would be? I mean, I prayed and fasted about being in the perfect will of God right?! How can things not go perfectly? And that is when I learned one of the biggest lessons and Steven Furtick puts it in the best words in His devotional:

“God’s will doesn’t have to seem perfect to you, to be perfect for you.” 

Oh boy. And this is the part where you take a deep breath because you realize the weight of the truth of this revelation. Because let’s see, what looked perfect to me in that time of my life was this: I would be in a foreign country, in the will of God and NOT be homesick, I would always put my appearance together every morning and that is how it would stay all day and lastly, I would always have godly friends, from the moment I got there, because duh, I am dead center in the will of God.

But oh, how wrong I was. Being away from my family was far from perfect BUT God showed Himself to me and became my strength. I didn’t feel I looked good everyday and I struggled with my weight BUT God showed me my worth in Him, I didn’t always have friends at Bible School BUT God was my Best Friend and used that time to teach me to pray for the most amazing friends that came later that year.

What did all these situations have in common? Simply, God’s will that didn’t at all seem perfect to me, was perfect for me. For my relationship with Him, for my spiritual growth and for my character.

Even today, 3 years later, I still find myself struggling sometimes to remember that situations are not going to always be perfect. Our marriage is not always going to be perfect, my journey from South Africa to America and the challenges that have come with it are certainly not perfect – yet in all of it, God is at work.

Wherever you are in life, please don’t allow a desperation for perfection rob you of growth, learning & laughter. For me personally, its when things don’t go perfectly that I am pushed towards Jesus and His Word more and its in these times where I feel His precious Holy Spirit ministering His peace, comfort and confidence to me.

“Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (Luke 22:42 NLT)

Jesus was dead center in the will of God, yet He asked of the Father if it was possible he didn’t have to do it. But here’s the beauty – what was an imperfect situation for Him, became the PERFECT situation for us. I don’t think I consider being mocked, beat and crucified a “perfect” situation, but because He endured and was obedient to God’s will – we have been saved. Maybe it’s time to change our perspectives and view situations as perfect for us instead of perfect to us.

“God’s greatest goal isn’t to give His people perfect situations, but to perfect His people for greater works of service” – Steven Furtick

GO.

Today is the day! We are boarding a big jet plane in a few hours (and a small one before that) that is taking us back to the USA! I am SO excited!

But it hasn’t always been excitement – there have been days of fear, anxiety, worry and doubt. This isn’t my first rodeo – I remember leaving for Bible School in Tampa in December 2012, I cried the entire flight there (much to the disgust of the old man sitting next to me who had to listen to me sniffle for 16 hours).

I just couldn’t understand why God would call me away from South Africa, away from my family, away from my friends and away from everything I knew. But the reason like then, is still the same today:

I am of the best use to God, when I am out of my comfort zone.

A comfort zone is that very thing: a comfortable zone. Think about it, when you are cuddled up on a cushy chair, you have no desire to move (even to pee) – same with life, when you are super comfortable, you have no desire to move, to act, to DO SOMETHING.

When I am out of my comfort zone, I have no option but to expectantly wait on God, to hang on His every Word because I, in my human capacity have no idea what comes next! When I am out of my comfort zone, everything is an adventure. When I am out of my comfort zone – it can become less of me, and more of Him.

But still, the fact remains – packing my life in a suitcase is not easy. Saying goodbye again to the farm I grew up on, to my dogs who are my babies and to my grandparents who are getting older is tough. But I have a confident faith in the good God that I serve that He has a plan and it is all taken care of.

Faith.

I knew that the daunting task of packing up my room – my room – the room that I had sleepovers in, studied late nights in and had re-arrenaged a million times to compliment my different fazes of life. I knew that I would have to pack suitcases of what would begin my new life in the States, and what would stay in South Africa. I cried out to God and I asked Him to give me the strength. The strength to ENJOY the season of change (and for those of you who know me, know I tend to be a creature of habit and change sends waves of emotion through my body – and not the good kind). But God’s grace strengthened me.

Grace.

At the end of the day, the fact remains – there is no place that I would rather be than in the will of God. Yes, I could be with my family in my childhood home perfectly happy – but I would never be content. Because I would have the full awareness that I was not living in the fullness of God’s plan for my life. When I read the Bible, men who did great things for God – did them out of their comfort zones.

This life is short, but when we live it according to who God has called us to be and what He has called us to do – the adventure, joy and blessing absolutely outweighs any personal sacrifice we had to make to get there. Not only that, but I know that God is a rewarder, and those things that we have to “give up” in order to follow His call, He will reward us with greater.

Get on that plane, go to that county … there is no place like the will of God.

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