The Coral is Cancelled

I picked coral as the color for our living room. Coral. What was I thinking?

[Disclaimer – if you have a coral living room, please do not take offense – I am sure it is stunning. It is just not stunning for me, BUT it will be for our guest room ;)]

We have been in our house for almost 2 months now & I am already preparing to re-decorate the living room. Why? Well, in my rush to build a home and “nest” – I went straight to Target and bought curtains, throw pillows etc. and excitedly started to decorate. Only problem with that was, with my whirlwind of excitement to hang curtains and prove myself to be a good, homely wife – I made decisions that I don’t even like. And by “don’t even like” I mean that whenever I truly survey my living room, I wince. 

I was hasty, and my hastiness landed me here. Here = somewhere I find myself discontent, unhappy and unsatisfied.

But God, my good good Father, took this and taught me a lesson greater than “how not to fail at interior design” – He taught me how to wait.

So often in life, we are so quick to make decisions. Sometimes because we dislike so much having to even make them, we tend to choose the option that seems the simplest. Or sometimes, we make them in the heat of the moment, instead of considering all the factors as well as what God’s heart is towards the situation.

“Enthusiasm without knowledge is no good; haste makes mistakes” (Proverbs 19:2 NLT)

What is haste? The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines it as: “speed of motion or action : quickness or eagerness that can result in mistakes”. So many times in my own life I have been hasty and it has landed me in regrettable positions. I was so quick to react, that  I hadn’t even considered all the factors.

I was impulsive instead of wise. 

What it really comes down to, is having the patience to stop – seek God – and then with a peace in our heart, make the next move. Is prayer our number 1 priority when we are faced with a certain decision, situation or circumstance? Do we seek what God says about something before taking part in it? Do we have peace in our hearts about a decision before we decide? Or, do we let pressure decide for us and position us somewhere that we don’t want to be?

I am learning that time is not wasted when it is spent waiting on God. I believe that patience produces a strengthened heart (Psalm 27:14)

Now I know my living room example may seem silly – but for me it was a crossroads in my walk with God where I finally had to make the choice to stop acting impulsively in my life, and rely on His leadings. Now you may be thinking, “Why would she consult God on decorating her home?” To be honest, I believe we can and should consult Him on anything and everything – the Holy Spirit delights in the little details [plus, He designed the earth and all the beauty within it, so I’m pretty sure that qualifies Him as a way better decorator than me]. I can’t even tell you how many times I have been shopping and have asked the Holy Spirit whether or not I should purchase something, and when I felt a “no” – have walked out that store and either found something better or something cheaper (can I hear a hallelujah?).

“Pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17 NLT)

Always and about everything. It is a key to success in our lives. We don’t have to live in a constant state of pressure to act and then regret when have. We can seek God for guidance and be sure about our decisions. I believe I can become so much more successful and productive in my life if I would just take the time to stop, consult the Lord and then respond. Sometimes it could take 5 seconds, and sometimes 5 days. But what I know for sure is that anything led by the Holy Spirit will prove best & most beneficial for me and for those around me.

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Navigating V-Day

I used to hate Valentines Day … actually let me rephrase that, I still to this day have a strong dislike for the the day AND I’M MARRIED. How bizarre right? You would think that I would be counting the days to February 14th and drooling over all the “lovey dovey” displays in stores. Not really. Now I am not heading up the “I hate Valentines club” – not even close, in fact I woke up to a early gorgeous bunch of roses from my hubby this morning. But the truth of the matter is that whether you will admit it or not, this is a rough day for many.

I remember during High School how disappointing the day always was. Even though there was no one special in my life – my heart was still filled with hope that maybe, just maybe a beautiful red rose would be delivered to my doorstep. It never did, and that’s okay. But we make such a big deal of this day – and when there is a lack of attention, our self-worth takes a dive & we feel totally alone. You know I’m telling the truth! As a young woman, everything in us wants to take part in it somehow – we desire to be loved, taken care of and spoiled.

But receiving a Valentines really doesn’t determine our worth. 

Yet we still let it. One of the greatest problems in young relationships today is that our dating/marriage manual is generally a romantic Hollywood movie. We watch as the girl is swept off her feet, laid gently on a bed of roses while soft instruments are strummed in the background. The perfect relationship to us is one that is just that: perfect. We set unrealistic standards that leave us feeling deprived, under-appreciated & disappointed. I am not trying to bash Valentines Day, not at all – but lets be honest, this is the day that we set our hearts on – hoping, wishing that the man in our lives will perform to the standard that we have set. When they don’t, our hurt leaves them feeling not good enough – it’s a vicious cycle. It really is crazy, it is the one day of the year we tend to FORGET all the other amazing things he’s done and act like this is the day he “better get his act together.”

I am guilty of this. I tend to forget that he consistently shows his love for me – through dates, gifts and little thoughtful acts of service, and act as though I have been waiting for this day to finally come and be “WOW’ed!”

Unrealistic expectations lead to disappointments. 

If you’re single, please don’t think that “if only I were in a relationship this day would be so much better” – you know, maybe it would be, but honestly it is one day of the year and it certainly does not determine your worth as a woman. If you’re feeling sad and lonely – consider that there are other girls feeling the same way – why don’t you make the decision to bring love to them? Who said you can’t be a great friend by giving away some beautiful roses or having a girls night and trying out a new restaurant. HAVE FUN! I spent way too many days disappointed with what I thought was a lack of love.

If you’re married, let’s do our best to not base the success of our marriage on this day. Let’s not forget that he is a wonderful husband and everything he already does is a gift of love, service & adoration. We do not have to sit and feel robbed. I made the decision this year that I am going to be thankful for him –  just for having him. My goal is to ask God to show ME how I can love him better, serve him better and just be a better wife for him.

We CAN navigate through this day successfully and happily – all we have to do is make the decision to give love instead of wait for it to be given. 

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Never Stop

4 years … that is the amount of time that I prayed for my future husband. I started when I was 16 years old – young, innocent & expectant. My notebook was filled with lists of desires and my heart was filled with excitement. I would pray. And when I say pray – I was probably more committed to my daily prayers for him than anything else. In fact, I think the future husband prayer featured higher than anything else at that point in time – I even remember thinking, “what am I going to pray for anymore after he comes?”. Like I actually thought that my life and my heart would be complete once this other special human walked into my life and had no plans to leave.

Oh no sister friend, anything but.

There is a term at Bible School that we were taught and it holds so much tried and tested truth – it goes: “another level, a bigger devil”- now, before you stop reading because you think I am referring to my husband as a devil, I’m not. What this term means is that as you get to a new level in life, the tests and the trials seem bigger, there seems like there is more to deal with and your character has to develop more. Don’t believe me? Think about it: when you get a promotion at work – you have more responsibility, greater challenges and more stressful deadlines than you did before the promotion. Same in a relationship – as you get further along, there is more to take into consideration and work on. Marriage looks a lot different to what dating did and dating looks a lot different to what being single looked like. There are new levels and we have to navigate them like the captain of a ship discovering new land.

Prayer helps us navigate

I came to the realization the other day that I don’t even nearly pray for my husband as much as I did when I was waiting for him and thanking God for him. Which is crazy, because I actually need to pray more now then I did then. We spend so much time praying for the things we want (and that is not wrong – because the Bible tells us to) but then when the blessing or the miracle happens … our prayers tend to stop. When actually it is when they need to be the deepest and the most detailed.

Being a newlywed, there are soooo many things that I am discovering – like how to be around someone 24/7, how to not let my emotions run our day and how to fight fair – but all these things are bound to become an entangled mess if I do not navigate through them with prayer. See, God knows my husband better than anyone else – He knows his heart, his desires & his shortcomings. God knows what he is thinking and feeling at all times of the day … I would be WISE to seek God on what to do instead of pestering and attacking my husband in the wrong way and probably encouraging WW3. We can save ourselves so much heartache and pain by lending an open ear to the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit.

Prayer is COMMUNICATION with God – its a conversation basically. And I don’t know about you, but I am not the kind of girl that enjoys a one-sided conversation. There is nothing worse than talking to someone (or not talking at all due to their lack of giving you a word in anyways) and you feel like you are being spoken at instead of to. Yet, so many times we find ourselves doing this to God. Our prayers go along the lines of beginning with “Heavenly Father”, and ending with “Thank You, Amen” – with our list of requests in between. Rarely do we stop, sit silently and allow Him to respond or even to initiate before we get going.

Prayer is so powerful – in fact the Bible even tells us:

“Never stop praying” (1 Thessalonians 5:17 NLT)

Never stop praying can be interpreted: never stop communicating with God

So,

If you’re single – never stop praying

If you’re newly married – never stop praying

If you’ve been married for years – never stop praying

Wherever you are in life – never stop praying

My goal is to pray REGARDLESS of my circumstances – positive or negative. I want to navigate skillfully & successfully my marriage & life. Staying in constant communication with God about everything in my life, and I want to encourage you to do the same.

Prayer is powerful and necessary in every season – believe it.

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Good, Good Father

If I am honest, the past few weeks have been some of the hardest & darkest I have ever experienced. I can’t write too much about it at this point, but my entry into the US was not smooth and the green card process has been stretching for both Chad & I. I have felt like I was at the end of my rope, like there was no faith left to pull out of my faith box and like my joy was few and far between.

Isn’t it crazy that I have felt this way yet I still know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am dead set in the centre of the will of God? (If you haven’t had a chance yet, go read my blog post called Perfect where I was challenged to redefine the meaning of perfect here)

But do you want to know the most amazing part: through all the craziness, the tears and the stress – God doesn’t change. He is constant. He remains the same.

There is a song that I have literally had on replay for the past few days called “Good, Good Father” by Chris Tomlin, my favorite part goes like this:

“You’re a Good, Good Father. Its who You are. And I am loved by You. Its who I am.”

“Its who You are” – God is a Good Father. That is just WHO HE IS. When I think of what a good father is, I think of my natural dad. He is an amazing man who has always treated me with love and gentleness. His strength always made me feel safe and secure. Regardless what situation I came face to face with growing up, he never left me. How much more incredible is our Heavenly Daddy? Maybe you don’t have a natural father but I can promise you, when you run to the arms of your Daddy who is in Heaven – He is unlike any natural father no matter how wonderful they are.

“Its who I am” – I am loved by Him. Worried, anxious and stressed is not who I am. Those are momentary emotions that can fade just as quickly as they came. I AM LOVED. In the dark of the night when we feel like nobody hears our cries, the hurt and the pain – He does, and He loves us. He always has. And because I am loved – I am taken care of, I am safe and I am secure.

Daily, I have cried and asked God, “Why me? Why does life have to be hard? Why are these things happening? Why don’t I understand? GOD, WHY ME?” I have had moments when it feels like my heart is wrenching and that I am suffocating because of the deep cries that are emerging, yet even with my absolute inconsistency of emotions, His still consistent. He is still Good. I am still loved. With that kind of love, the storms of life can rage, but our heart and our life is safe & secure in the arms of our Good, Good Father.

“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the Word of our God stands forever” (Isaiah 40:8 NKJV)

My prayer for myself and for you, is that regardless of what is going on in life, whether good or bad – that we would constantly remind ourselves of who He is. He is good. Momentary circumstances and situations can’t and will never change that.

Thank you Father that you show us your goodness, thank you that when we are weak and doubting, You remain strong and secure. Thank you that whatever situation we are facing, we can stand immovable because we are rooted and grounded in You – our firm foundation.

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Chris Tomlin – Good Good Father (Audio)