To the woman preparing for Marriage

I don’t know who you are or where you are in life, but one thing I know for sure is that you are not alone in whatever situation or circumstance you may find yourself in. I pray that my stories and the lessons that I am learning everyday as I walk with Jesus, will encourage you in some aspect. If I can even just make you laugh, I feel that I have accomplished something great.

I am getting married in 38 days (exactly – thanks to a wonderful counting gift from a friend)… we have been engaged for 8 months and have known each other for 2 and a half years. Our dating months were awesome – always fun, spontaneous and exciting. The butterflies I got whenever his car would pull up to take me on a date were intoxicating and the sweet texts in the morning were all I wanted to wake up to. The most beautiful moment of my life was when he got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife.

But then the pressures of planning a wedding, moving to another country and stepping into ministry together started – we started to feel like our heads were under water and we could barely catch our breath. Tired, confused and almost defeated. I felt (and I have said before) that when the ring went on, so did the pressure. I know that I am not the only woman who has gone through things and maybe feels like her relationship is more difficult than its ever been. So please know, you are not alone.

So, to the woman who is preparing for marriage;

Firstly, congratulations! This is the most exciting time of your life yet! I am sure your dreams are filled with white dresses, color pallets and cake ideas. I am sure there is a special man who has caught your heart and now your visions of the future include him. It is a wonderful feeling!

Keep Jesus as your centre focus always

 Jesus is the same, yesterday, today and forever. He will lift your head and heal your heart. Your fiancé can never take the place of your Savior. Allow the precious Holy Spirit to guide you when times get tough and to teach you when the battle is raging. I am fully persuaded that he is the ultimate Romantic and knows more about effective, godly relationships than any human being on this earth. Let Him teach you how to be a godly woman and soon-to-be wife by meditating on His Word and heeding your ear to His voice.

Know that there will be challenges

They come in different weights and different volumes, and I personally didn’t realize the emotional rollercoaster I was about to enter on until the loops, flips and spins. Preparing for marriage is a huge transitional period for a woman – we have a new title, new responsibility and new perspective on life. Besides the thought of now becoming somebody’s “wife”, we have to battle the emotions of leaving home and no longer being under our parent’s roof anymore. It’s scary. I know.

Don’t major on the minors

Let me be completely transparent – engagement thus far for Chad & I has had moments where neither of us knew what to do anymore. For me, it always terrified me when people would say “how he is now, is how he will be in marriage.” Because of the fear this statement, I waited and watched – for every flaw he had so I could jump on it, and fix it. Because, “Oh no, I don’t want that in our marriage.” When I continually picked at the smallest of things, it actually just made me an unhappy and unsatisfied woman.

Love him

Love him in the good, love him in the bad and love him through the ugly. He is God’s gift to you and you are a steward of your relationship. Remember that just like you are not perfect, neither is he. Something Chad taught me is that “we judge others by their actions and not their intentions; but we judge ourselves by our intentions” – meaning, we are quick to jump down someone’s throat because of an action they committed (not looking at their intention behind it) yet we justify our own actions by our intentions. Sometimes as women we are super touchy, and are so quick to get offended at something our man did, but we don’t even take the time to stop, and consider that quite possibly he was meaning something completely different.

Choose daily to be happy

Everything in life is a choice. God has given us a free will. I can choose to be right or I could choose to be happy. My life thus far is so much more peaceful when I forgive easily and forget quickly.

You are strong and you are blessed – this is a special time, determine in your heart you will enjoy every moment!

This is just the beginning and I can’t wait to become Mrs – but I still have SO much to learn. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned thus far and I am thankful for the godly women in my life who I look up to and exemplify a godly marriage.

[Side Note: All the opinions expressed in this blog are entirely my own. I by no means consider myself an expert, only a girl who is willing to learn and share what God is teaching her as she walks with Him. If you are a married woman – I would love to hear you share your experiences, lessons and wisdom.]

The “P” Word

When I was 16 years old, I made the decision on my own to love Jesus with all my heart & to stay pure for Him. I remember sitting down with some of my friends at the time and letting them know that I did not judge them for their life choices but that I had determined in my heart that I was not going to date and I was going to stay pure sexually until I got married. I said that the only man I was going to date would be my husband – and until then I was happy to be by myself.

Fast forward 5 years – here I am, 2 months (yesterday in fact…yay!) away from marrying my dream guy – the one man who pursued me with a godly fear and respect, but more importantly, the one I waited for, prayed for and stayed pure for. I have no regrets, no baggage, no past hurts and no past memories to compare – I am going into this marriage, with all of me intact ready to be one with someone. This is how God intended for it to be.

The question that I am asking is,

When did this sexual purity until marriage become old-fashioned or a “thing of the past”?

 Having the opportunity of working with young girls has shown me over and over again what the world is modeling as “right” and “good.” It concerns my heart when a wave of shock washes over a 12year olds face when I share that I haven’t had sex yet. Their eyes squint and their frown lines are evident as if to say; “what is wrong with you?”

Yes, what is wrong? What is wrong with keeping your body for your husband? What is wrong with keeping your heart shielded and protected from temporary and fleeting satisfaction?

We as young women are constantly surrounded by sex – it’s in movies, social media & even music – it is the norm. But God doesn’t call us to be normal. Not the normal of society anyway – He calls us to be different, to walk worthy of a higher calling and to be an example.

The Bible teaches us in Ephesians 5:31,

“For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh” (NKJV)

The man is joined to his wife – not some girl who he’s known forever, not a random hook-up and certainly not someone who he’s “sure he will marry one day.” There is a reason God has ordained sex for the covenant of marriage – it is to join 2 people to become 1 – Mathematics tells you 1+1=2 – but in marriage 1+1=1. One whole person + one whole person = one flesh.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect, and staying pure in your physical body is difficult – especially when you feel things for another person that you’ve never felt before – just the touch of their hand on yours sends electricity down your spine. Sound familiar? Yes well welcome to being a human being wired for relationship.

“I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or by the does of the field, do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases (some versions say: until the time is right).” – Song of Solomon 3:5 (NKJV)

Let me be super honest and transparent – I had no desire to be any more than a friend to someone until Chad and I’s relationship began to develop. Passion is a fire that burns on the very inside of a person when that emotion has been awoken. Hence the above Scripture charging us not to awaken this love until the time is right. The fact is simple: those who play with fire are going to get burned.

We don’t stay pure because we are “ a prude” or because we are “so conservative” – We stay pure because our body does not belong to our fleshly selves, our bodies belong to God who lives on the inside of us in the form of the Holy Spirit. We stay pure because we love Jesus more than we could ever love any human on this earth – and if He tells us that sex is for husband and wife, then we will not involve ourselves in that act until we have the title “wife”. We stay pure because our obedience glorifies God above all else.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve messed up or made some mistakes – Jesus went to the cross with YOU in mind. You can never be too far gone. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) – God can restore what has been lost. The fact is that you are no longer a virgin – but the TRUTH is that God makes ALL things new.

God never gives us an instruction in His Word that is not for our benefit. Purity is for today – it IS possible and it is beautiful. Not only that, but for us as women – the choices we make don’t just involve us, they involve and effect our future spouses. One of the most precious statements that Chad Micheal has ever said to me is, “I am so thankful that you saved yourself for me.”

So.worth.the.wait.

If I could tell you Anything…

Recently at youth we have been doing a Love, Sex & Dating series – isn’t it so funny how everyone loves this topic and is always ready to hear anything and everything? I think it’s because we are human beings who God has wired for relationships with other people. Anyway, our church is also running a discipleship program, which means that all of us as Bible School Students have people under us who we are walking a road with, ministering to and growing, so that they in turn can begin to disciple. I adore my girls but they are teens so are even more intrigued by the topic of Love, Sex & Dating. I knew there would be questions and comments and I felt completely out of my depth as to where to even begin with them. Sooooo, I did the best thing you can do, and  I spent time talking with the Holy Spirit. I felt so under qualified to even talk about this topic – you know, not being married, there is a TON that I don’t know, don’t understand and still have yet to learn.  But I knew God could use me where I’m at – engaged and walking a road to marriage – so with that intention in my heart, I began asking Him what it is that I could confidently say I have learned…

If I could tell you anything, just one thing that I have learned going from being my own person to being in a relationship with a wonderful man to then getting engaged and preparing for marriage, it is this:

A man (or any other person for that matter) will never complete you.

It seems common sense right? But I don’t think it actually is. When I was 16 I started praying for my future husband – whoever he was and wherever he was, I prayed for him every night. But in that I found I almost longed for him in a way that wasn’t natural – I felt almost as if once I met him, I would be even happier, once I met him, my relationship with God would grow, once I met him – I would be complete. (I actually prayed for him so much that I wondered when I met him what I would even pray for anymore?!)

But boy, was I mislead – no other person can or will ever complete you. Never. Ever.

We are of God – He was there in the forming and the shaping process in our mother’s womb (Psalm 139) before we even took our first breath – and He is still here today. He calls us and gives us our purpose for this life. We are made in His image and His likeness (Genesis 1:26-27) and when we accept Jesus into our hearts, His Spirit comes to dwell in our earthen vessels. The point is, we are made by God and for God – the Bible even says in Colossians that we are “complete in Christ.”

Complete:

• Having all the necessary or appropriate parts
• Having nothing missing and nothing broken
• To make something whole or perfect

So, we as individuals with Jesus in our hearts – have nothing missing and nothing broken. No amount of happiness is missing, no amount of self-worth is missing, no amount of anything we need is missing – remember that,  just because we don’t “feel” something, doesn’t mean it’s not there. 

Our self worth, value and confidence comes from God – who He has made us to be and the endless resources He has given us to be the best us we can be! No person – no living, breathing, walking human being can do this for us. Because the reality check is this – humans fail.

If my wholeness came from Chad – well I would be a broken individual – not because he isn’t wonderful and incredible but because he is a human man, who will disappoint me, who will let me down and who will have flaws. (And vice versa – this goes for me as well).

You may have had a terrible upbringing, filled with much hurt and pain … but a man can never be your rescue. He may temporarily satisfy the longings of your heart but the repair will only ever be a bandage. Only God can replace what the enemy stole and only God can truly heal a broken heart so that there is absolutely nothing missing anymore.

I am a better person when I am filled with more of Jesus and less of myself. His fullness on the inside of me benefits myself as well as all of the relationships in my life. Run to Jesus today – your completeness, your purpose and your belonging is found in Him, and in Him alone.

“The only one that can truly satisfy the human heart, is the One that created it”

– Anonymous

Nobody told me it was going to be this HARD!

I thought real love was supposed to be easy!?

Disney movies. I blame Disney movies. From their “once upon a time” through to the “happily ever after” – we are shown the perfect girl and perfect guy meeting, getting little hearts in their eyes, falling in love and saying “I do”. Perfectly.

Yes I’m being flippant, but the reality is – unfortunately due to way to many “chick flicks”, I myself became a sucker to an illusion that when I met “the one” – everything would be perfect and we would walk off into the sunset while holding hands singing, “I’m walking on sunshine”

I met him. I met the most incredible man on the face of the planet. He is the poster man for good-looking – with his blonde hair, blue eyes and sweet American accent. The day he asked me to marry him and pulled out the most gorgeous ring – I knew this was it – the perfect forever begins.

But it wasn’t perfect – because neither of us are perfect. We are human, with emotions (some more than others) and a stubborn side that makes the ” stubbornness of a mule” pale in comparison.

The ring went on and it felt like so did the pressure. Almost immediately things started to change, we realized that this was the person that we were literally going to spend every day with for the rest of our lives on the earth. With that knowing in mind, I decided that it would be a good idea to start changing things about him because, “ooh, don’t wanna carry that into our marriage”. What I did not take into consideration was that I was attempting to change everything about this sweet man who I had fallen in love with in the first place! So I did what any ashamed and embarrassed woman should do… I went to the Word of God and got my heart right.

Firstly, lets just start off by remembering that the Bible says that “a nagging woman is like a constant dripping” (Proverbs  27:15) – listen, I will be called many things, but I REFUSE to be compared to a dripping tap. Secondly, 1 Corinthians 13 is a holy download of what godly love is – but the part of scripture that we both have learnt to cling to is – love sees the best in every person. (1 Corinthians 13:7 – paraphrased) The BEST. Instead of looking at the bad all the time and all the things I didn’t necessarily like, I started looking at the BEST things about him; like the fact that he works his butt off to pay for my clothing addiction (and we are not even married yet…score) – that is a joke (kinda). But on a real note, this wonderful man constantly serves me selflessly in every area and willfully allows himself to be led by the Spirit of God in every aspect of his life.

So no, I didn’t know it was going to be this hard. I didn’t know that their would be fights, disagreements and silent treatments (which I actually learnt via a radio devotion is an “immature response to a situation” …bleh). I didn’t know that things wouldn’t always be rosy, that I wouldn’t always feel butterflies in my tummy and that I would have the ability to hurt another person out of careless, thoughtless words. But what I have learned, which I know is just the beginning of my character being shaped and moulded by the precious correction of my personal Teacher, the Holy Spirit is:

• Humility (1 Peter 5:5) – Learning that I am not always right – even when I think I should be.
• Forgiveness (Luke 6:37) – Being willing to let something go for the sake of peace in my heart. Not only is peace rewarding, but the freedom that comes with the ability to forgive is something indescribable.
• Servanthood (Matthew 20:26-28) – The choice of placing someone else’s needs above my own. This area brings a joy to my heart that I desire daily
• Love (Ephesians 5:2) – Love is a verb – it is awesome to say it with your words, but it’s a whole other thing to show it with your actions.

I don’t know who you are or what stage of life you’re in, but regardless – I hope this encouraged you, refreshed you and made you laugh, knowing that you are not alone. It doesn’t matter whether you are married, engaged, dating or still enjoying life as free as a bird, the point of this read is to remind you that relationships are never easy or perfect, but they are a gift and worthwhile. As we run this race of life, may we as women stick together through the good, the bad and the ugly – and rest assured that no matter the mountain, there is a good chance somebody else is climbing it.